new chapter

just decided to make another blog! here's the link for those of you interested in following :) http://leighanngausselin.blogspot.com/

praise God from whom all blessings flow

I am constantly amazed at how faithful and gracious God is, and how He provides for me and Kevin, especially during this whole wedding planning process! I am also really embarrassed (and humbled) by how sinful, stressed, and not trusting I have been for His provisions. Let me give a few examples learned throughout this engagement season:

1) When Kevin pursued me, he told me that it would only be a matter of months before he put a ring on my finger. He couldn't give me a ring as soon as he wanted because he was only working part time at BJ's, and didn't have enough money. So what did I do once I got home? I told my family all about it, and was grilled and discouraged from going through this plan. But I wanted them to get used to the idea as soon as possible, as opposed to finding out 7 months later without a warning! After lots of tears and sadness, and venting AND praying to God.... eventually:

God blessed Kevin with another full time job, so Kevin started working two jobs simultaneously. And my family finally accepted the fact that Kevin and I were going to get married, and I no longer have to defend marrying him.

2) Kevin and I knew that we had no money to spend on a nice reception for the wedding, so we opted for a potluck dinner. I was sinfully stressed out and sad about this, because my mom (being a typical filipina mom, wanting the best for her daughter) wanted me to have something more grand. So I prayed for God to hopefully give me a nice reception, to please my mom, and to prevent people from voicing out their disapproval....eventually:

God somehow stirred my dad to pay for a reception. Out of the blue, he called and said, "Ugh, well, I guess I have to pay for your reception. Otherwise, everyone will gossip about how bad of a dad I am." Well, not the best way of offering to pay for a reception, but hey! I was thankful! My dad picked me up and we went over to BJ's and had Kevin stop by our table as he was working, and broke the news to him! Kevin was really surprised and said, "Wow, I'm so happy, I could start calling you 'Dad!'" But my dad was like, "Oh man, don't get ahead of yourself there, buddy. I'm not ready for that!" HAHA! Great memories! My mom was also very happy when she found out!

3) I was discouraged because of the lack of money I had for a wedding dress, veil, shoes. I was stressed out about details for all the wedding logistics (attendants, ushers, singers, flowers, unity candle, aisle runner, rehearsal dinner, where the girls and guys would get ready the day of, tables, DJ, transportation, etc.) and also had no idea how to help Jamie since she is Maid of Honor and was trying to come up with ideas for a Bachelorette Party and a Wedding Shower event...eventually:

God provided for everything, yet again! Kevin saw how sad I was over not being able to buy a dress, so he bought me a dress (he didn't see it, of course, that would be kept a surprise til the day of the wedding!) And a friend who just recently got married, Jane, bought two pairs of shoes for her wedding and had an extra, and gave those to me as a gift! And I am also now borrowing the veil of another friend who got married recently, Dayne! We have a DJ. We have ushers (some fellas from church-Micah, Fred, etc). We have a videographer (Jeremy, accompanied by Russell). We have wedding coordinators (Thomas, and Auntie Susie!) And as for Jamie and her planning, the Galindos graciously opened up their home for my Bachelorette Party (they are also singing the first song to our first dance at the wedding reception), a few women from the Excellent Wives ministry will help transport flowers from the ceremony to the reception...I really am just SO blessed with a church family who is so willing to help and lend a hand whenever we are in need! And just last night, I had dinner with Kevin, his mom and dad, his brother Mike (who is the Best Man) and Jamielyne. What a blessing that was! We all sat around the dinner table, and Mike and Jamie were going through this whole schedule they came up with for the Wedding Shower, and me and Kevin's mom were talking about flowers, and Kevin's dad and him were talking about the unity candle...And we got so much done! Today we had marriage counseling and also finished up a lot of logistics. It was so encouraging!

4) Kevin and I were so bogged down with the planning for the wedding, that we didn't really have any plans for the honeymoon. As long as we got the wedding day to go smoothly was our priority. I really wanted to have a honeymoon somewhere though. I didn't stress out as much about this, but prayed for God to hopefully bless us with one. Not long after...

God answered! I got a text from Jamie during a Marriage Ministry event yesterday saying that her mom wanted to give us a honeymoon as a present, and we would stay at her TimeShare in Vegas! She would be reserving it starting Sunday (the day after the wedding) to Thursday. Kevin and I were ecstatic! And then today, during Marriage Counseling (with Kevin's uncle who is the pastor marrying us, along with his wife Auntie Susie) Auntie Susie, who is like one of the sweetest, godliest women in the entire world, offered to get us a hotel room for our first night as a married couple! Kevin and I were like WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!! So sweet! We are so undeserving!


Kevin proposed after 7 months of being boyfriend/girlfriend. And technically, we have been engaged for 9 months. I cannot believe how ridiculous my heart is, and how much I do NOT trust in the Lord! Ridiculous! I mean, it's really easy to just have head knowledge for trusting in Him, knowing He would provide. There are many passages in the Scriptures which speak of this subject. Unfortunately, the hardest part about reading Scriptures and memorizing verses is actually applying it, and living it out! Easier said than done, definitely in my case. I kept in mind during this whole process Matthew 6:33 "Seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." I knew God would provide the necessities. In my sinful state, I wanted extra! And amazingly enough, God provided for ALL of it! So undeserving! It's like a smack to my face, Leigh Ann, stop worrying, stop stressing, don't let what other people say affect you negatively.

So, as a lesson, if I think that wedding planning is sanctifying, I know that marriage is truly sanctifying. A wedding is for one day. A marriage is for a lifetime! I've really just set my heart to memorize this verse and just rest on its truth for this first year (and ALL THE YEARS) of marriage.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." -Philippians 4:4-8

Thank God for teaching me a lesson: He provides! No stressing, no anxiety, no sadness. I just need to rejoice in Him. Woo!

who's cool?

Joshua just came into my room:

"Leigh! Why did you take the fan out of my room??"
"Josh! Did you know that I drove Mom around since morning and the air conditioner doesnt work and now it's 4pm and I've been sweating all day!"
"Leigh! Did you know that today I ran a mile during P.E.? By the third lap I decided to give up and get an F for a day. All my friends were running and I was the only one who was walking."

GHETTOOOOO. Now he's sitting on my floor massaging my foot as we enjoy the fan together hahahahhaha

We're gonna head to Friday Night bible study in a few hours. We are excited because a lot's gonna go down ;)

ridiculosity

I asked my dad what he wanted to dance to for our father daughter dance, and he goes, "Oh, we'll dance to that Titanic theme song by Celine Dion!" and I was like "WHAT!!! WHY?????" and then he goes "Just kidding! Actually I know...what's that song from the big black man?" And I go, "Luther Vandross? Dance with my Father?" "Yeah! That one!" And I go, "Dad...that song is about a dad who passes away." And he goes, "GOOD. I'll die in the middle of dancing with you! I hope I have a heart attack!" And then he laughed hysterically....

He also plans on having all his friends cheer really loudly when the DJ does the Bridal Party introduction of him and my mom at the reception, and that he wants them to be completely silent once me and Kevin are called in. And I laughed at him, "Dad, you underestimate how loud my church is...and my college buds!" And he rolled his eyes.

Joshua is laughing throughout all of this and goes, "Leigh! This is really important. You want Kevin and the guys to look good right? We need to have Gucci suits."

I'm glad the family men in my life have their priorities straight haha

babies!

One of my beautiful sisters in Christ is blessed, and about to give birth! Praise the Lord! Children are a gift and blessing from the Lord! Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127: 3-5) This is such an exciting time! I cannot wait to see how God grows her family, as well as the rest of the young married couples I know! So beautiful!!!! Praise the Lord!

Since I am about to get married too, I am undoubtedly assaulted with two questions:

What if God makes me pregnant sooner than Kevin and I want/suspect?
What if God makes me barren, and I won't have any children?

Kevin and I want to have children after 5 years of being married, since he is still in school, and I am debating whether or not I should go back for further schooling for an Accelerated Bachelors Degree in Nursing.

However, in the most asked question after being married "When do you plan on having babies?" comes the assumed approach...


Birth control!

Warning: This blog entry will be very different from my past entries. It will be more of an objective approach to the topic of birth control being acceptable. Of course, this is to be assumed that it comes after marriage, between a man and woman as husband and wife.

This has been a very widely debated issue within the Church, and many positions have changed and are changing. It's also not usually talked about much nor have I heard any sermons about it (In fact, I usually only hear about it from engaged/married women, if they are asked, but few Christian men feel comfortable talking about it in depth, either from uncomfortable feelings or lack of knowledge on the subject). But I grew up Catholic, and it shocked me when I, as an unsaved 18 year-old, found out that Protestant Christians were okay with artificial birth control! (Artificial birth control includes, but is not limited to: condoms, the pill, the intra-uterine device, etc.) But, lo and behold, there are still Christian denominations who believe the use of birth control is sinful. (Catholics believe that is okay for marriage couples to abstain from sex in marriage during fertile times in the calendar, also known as NFP, Natural Family Planning...)

What are the reasons for people using birth control? Many times I hear (and say and reason to myself):
"We are not ready, because we do not have enough money. We don't want our kids to grow up poor and struggling!"
"What's the hurry? We want to enjoy each other for a while first."
"I don't want to end up like that lady in that famous show 19 and counting!"
"Well, even if we do use birth control, if God wants it to happen, it will happen nonetheless."

Apparently, Protestants and Catholics alike held the position for quite a while that artificial birth control is sinful and against the will of God. It was only in 1930 at the Lambeth Conference in London that the Protestant Church (technically, the Anglican Church, but many Protestant denominations followed suite afterward...) changed her position, saying it was okay for birth control to be used.

Many of the advocates against birth control use biblical support: one of the best ones I believe is Onan from Genesis 38-10. In Deuteronomy 25:5-6, the Levitical law stated that if a man died and left behind a widow, the brother of the dead man would take his place and produce offspring! Onan knew this, and was told by the father to marry his broski's widow, but each time they came together in sexual union he would "spill his seed" on the ground. What did God do? He killed him! However, the customary punishment is public humiliation (Deuteronomy 25:7-10). Therefore, Onan must have done a far worse sin, and that is spilling of his seed. Many Christians who do not hold this view say Onan was punished that way because of the evil intentions of his heart, and that this cannot be used as a foundation for the use of birth control being sinful.

Let's see what our beloved Martin Luther said about Onan and how it relates to birth control: "The exceedingly foul deed of Onan, the basest of wretches . . . is a most disgraceful sin. It is far more atrocious than incest and adultery. We call it unchastity, yes, a sodomitic sin. For Onan goes in to her; that is, he lies with her and copulates, and when it comes to the point of insemination, spills the semen, lest the woman conceive. Surely at such a time the order of nature established by God in procreation should be followed. Accordingly, it was a most disgraceful crime. . . . Consequently, he deserved to be killed by God. He committed an evil deed. Therefore, God punished him." 

John Calvin said, "The voluntary spilling of semen outside of intercourse between man and woman is a monstrous thing. Deliberately to withdraw from coitus in order that semen may fall on the ground is doubly monstrous. For this is to extinguish the hope of the race and to kill before he is born the hoped-for offspring." 

John Wesley warned, "Those sins that dishonor the body are very displeasing to God, and the evidence of vile affections. Observe, the thing which he did displeased the Lord—and it is to be feared; thousands, especially of single persons, by this very thing, still displease the Lord, and destroy their own souls."

Luther has more to say: “Although it is very easy to marry a wife, it is difficult to support her along with the children and the household. Accordingly, no one notices this faith of Jacob. Indeed, many hate fertility in a wife for the sole reason that the offspring must be supported and brought up. For this is what they commonly say: ‘Why should I marry a wife when I am a pauper and a beggar? I would rather bear the burden alone and not load myself with misery and want.’ But this blame is unjustly fastened on marriage and fruitfulness. Indeed, you are indicting your unbelief by distrusting God’s goodness, and you are bringing greater misery upon yourself by disparaging God’s blessing. For if you had trust in God’s grace and promises, you would undoubtedly be supported. But because you do not hope in the Lord, you will never prosper.” (Luther’s Works, Vol. 5, p.332).

Charles Spurgeon was also against birth control. Al Mohler is also straight up against contraception! (Well, technically, he just mentions that there are more negatives to positives in regards to birth control--promiscuity, irresponsible pleasure, etc.)

Those who do not think that Onan is an appropriate Biblical foundation for the argument against birth control think that this issue is between the wife, husband, and the Lord. And whatever the Lord convicts them of, whether it be using birth control or not, should remain a private matter. Also, if the whole argument for those against birth control is that it is preventing life, even though it's not killing it, will soon be faced with the question: Well, if you abstain from sex for a day, aren't you also preventing life? Married couples should be consummating all the time, then! If you abstain for a long time, you're possibly preventing life!

Today one of the best known Christian figures known for his pro-life position is Randy Alcorn. Randy Alcorn wrote books called Prolife Answers to Prochoice Arguments and Does the birth control pill cause Abortions? Some birth control pills do not prevent pregnancy. The majority of women on the pill are on low-dose birth control pills, which do not prevent conception but prevents the implantation of an already fertilized ovum to the uterine wall (Norplant and IUD's do this too!) Scary thing is: most women are on low-dose estrogen pills and do not know this fact.

Little known fact about me: I am very supportive/passionate of pro-life movements and clinics, and my dream job would either be working as a Biblical teacher for women, or as a nurse for babies and children, or specifically working in a Pro-life clinic (in that order). I've looked around for places to volunteer and wouldn't mind making a life-long career out of helping women save their babies when they feel pressured by culture to abort..ugh! If you haven't heard of Greg Koukl, who is a famous Christian figure who wrote books like Tactics and the founder of Stand to Reason, his wife is amazing! They adopted their children, and she helps lead a pro-life clinic, and holds seminars/activities, giving free ultrasounds, for these pregnant women who feel hopeless and scared! NOW THAT is something I wouldn't mind making a career out of, how noble!) Kevin said he seriously hates it when people say "It's not a baby, it's just a fetus!" He was like, "Did you know that 'fetus' in Latin means 'offspring'..aka BABY! So essentially they are saying, "It's not a baby, it's just a baby!" Ay ay ay...

Another one of the arguments against the use of birth control is the verse of "Go forth and Multiply" in Genesis. I didn't go into depth on that because I think it's a weak argument. I am also against the QuiverFull movement, which uses the command of God "Go forth and multiply!" as a basis for having numerous children (let's go back again to the family in 19 and counting...)




Well, there are many arguments in favor of and against contraception. It's one of those things where you wonder if there's ever a "yes" or "no" answer. And of course, it can be debated about for hours on end. This blog entry wasn't as structured as I would've liked, so I apologize!

I'd love to hear opinions/beliefs from anyone who comes across this blog. Is it okay to use birth control after you're married, or is it sinful?

musings.

This past year has been CRAZY. I really cannot believe that there's two more days of 2011 left! Where does all the time go? It seems to pass by faster and faster as I grow older.

I actually wrote a post a few days ago about everything I've been going through in regards to the death of my grandfather, and deleted it a few hours later. It really is strange to say goodbye to someone you love a lot, and to only hope in God's sovereignty and have no complete assurance about his whereabouts in the next life. I was crying as I typed, and I wrote with transparency (which is something I don't usually struggle with, I've actually been called out for being "too transparent") but that's the weird thing about me...once something really hurts or just bothers me, I don't say anything. But a million things go on in my head and in my heart. All I can say is: thank you for your prayers, and thank you to my good friends who asked me how I was doing. I usually shrugged it off with an "I'm okay, these things happen." But I was hurting. And sad. It bothered me a lot.

One of the good things that came out of this season of my family's life is that we are all closer and more loving. I guess it's times where you lose such important people in your life, that you stop caring about the silly dumb things. That happened to me, anyway, and I'm not worried about my wedding at all. I still have strange dreams (the other night, I had a dream I was at my wedding and never saw Kevin! We kissed and he disappeared. And another where tons of people didn't show up and we wasted a lot of money!) But anyways, I'm just really happy that I'm going to start a new chapter of my life with my best friend, and to experience the joys of marriage. Praise God!

I have a lot of things I need to hand over to God. Such as: being fiercely protective over my girl friends. I've heard the quote "You are what you protect." And I guess it just really strikes a nerve in me to see my girlfriends hurt by Christian men, especially since so much of my life has been watching the women in my family getting hurt. When Christian men hurt women, it doesn't really make sense to me. Of course, they do not intend to (I can only pray and hope). Sometimes, they may not even know what they do wrong, which I still have a hard time dealing with. Anyways, I have a lot of single girl friends and this past year was RIDICULOUS. Maybe it's just this year specifically. But every close girl friend of mine seemed to get hurt by men who were so called Christian! So many stories, so many tears, so much anger boiled within me. I was goin' crazy! I was ready to go all Xena Warrior Princess status on all those guys' butts!!!!! For real!!!! I really need to pray to God for me to be kinder and gracious to those men. At a party, I saw one of them and didn't say anything, but I had like seven people asking me what was wrong! I guess it's written on my face. Or, I'm usually so loud and laughy that when I'm not everyone is worried. Dang... Only God knows what I'll be like if I'm the mother of tons of daughters. Honestly, I only want one daughter. Knowing God, I'll have like 7!! AHHHH!!!! Pray for me about this. I'm very protective of all my girl friends. I'm not excusing the men who hurt them, but I am going to have to answer to God one day and I just want to be more like Christ in this area of my life. It's only inevitable that some of my girl friends will be hurt within the next few years :( I am so blessed to have Kevin as my future husband, and that my prayers have been answered. I am so undeserving, and I guess I shouldn't be comparing every guy to him. But in a sense, and I'm speaking to my fellow engaged, married, or soon to be married gals: don't you want every girl to have a guy like yours? (I don't even know how I would respond if someone answered "No." lol)

Oh, and another quote I loved that I heard this year: "The best thing a father can do for his daughter is love her mother." And I had to think about it for a long time because it made very little sense to me, so I had to imagine what it would've been like for my dad to love my mom. Of course, I can say "Oh, that means it will set the standard for the man the daughter will desire to marry in the future." But it's different when you never experienced it.

Lots of reflection over the past year, and I'm only more aware of how pathetic and sinful I am. God is so gracious. I mean, I knew I was sinful, but MAN i am sinful! Ridiculous! This human nature thing is crampin' my style! HAHA. But anyways, God's really humbled me in many areas of my life...bringing to light parts of me that need to be conformed to what He wants, my fears, my idols, my anger toward anyone who hurts my girls...

It's really nice to have quiet time and reflection with God, and thus the revealing of sin occurs! It's really cool reading what God has said in the Bible too! I'm kind of freaking out and excited, because I'm closer to my goal of reading the entire bible! I just need to read the major and minor prophets. TOO BAD THAT'S LIKE THE TOUGHEST FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND, INTERPRET, AND APPLY!!!!!!!!! I dont know about anyone else, but man...seriously? I read the first 5 chapters of Isaiah today, and was like, "Israel...is such a bad nation!" HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO APPLY THAT TO MY LIFE??? Of course, I am sinful, just like the Israelites (Random fact: did you know that "Israelites" refers to the old Israel, like in Biblical times, so it's considered not correct to use that term for current Israel? That's why they call them "Israelis" today) And I do not hold to the belief that God has replaced Israel with the church. THIS STUFF IS HARD! Or maybe I'm just a dummy. Scratch that, I totally am. But I'm excited :) It's my first time reading the major and minor prophets!

Just wanted to blog before the year ends. Thank you, God, for everything. For being so gracious to a sinner like me! I'm such a coo coo and yet you love me. I can't wait to hug You :) One day.

sneak peak

LOVE IT!

Engagement Photos

Today was an action-packed and fun day! Jamie and I spent the morning and early afternoon together, getting a wedding day trial session for make up and hair, then we went over to meet Kevin at work in Cerritos mid-afternoon. From there, Kev drove us to Los Angeles at Pershing Square. We met our friend Fern Lee, who is an amazing photographer (she photographed 25 weddings last year!) We wanted to go with a winter/Christmas-themed photo shoot, and praise God, because the weather was perfect! And so was the site! There were so many colorful walls, holiday-themed Christmas lights, and of course the city backdrop was nice. Jamie was of course being the mom and carrying around all our props. Kevin felt weird because he's not used to wearing nice clothes lol!! We went to Forever 21 last week and were laughing because we saw Alejo at church wearing a gray jacket, and I knew immediately he got it from there too, because Kevin had tried that one on, along with 5 other jackets he wasn't too fond of! So anyways, of course we were laughing a lot, because Jamie was being Jamie and dictating how to pose:

(During a shot where Kevin and I are supposed to look at each other lovingly)
Jamie: "Kevin, look down and smile at Leigh Ann!"
Kevin:"I am smiling!"
Jamie: " You're so unnatural! Your eyebrows are too high!"

(During a shot where Kevin is holding me)
Jamie: "Kevin, okay, bend down more because you're too tall, then smile at the camera."
(Kevin bends down more and hunches over and looks up at the camera)
Jamie: "Ewwwww, you look like a creeper!"
Kevin: "I'm doing what you're asking for! What do you want me to do?!?!"

(During a shot where Kevin and I have our Bibles and are holding it in front of our faces, only revealing our eyes)
Jamie: "Kevin, why are you hunching over like that? You look like you're EATING your Bible!"
Kevin: "I am doing it because Leigh Ann is really short!"
Me: "HEY!"

The best photos are of me laughing really hard and Kevin doing an awkward smile or looking frustrated and annoyed at Jamie hahahahahhaha But seriously though, Jamie was a huge help; that's what made it even more of a special memory! Before Fern arrived, I asked Jamie to take a picture of me and Kevin by one of the Christmas trees:



Merry Christmas everyone! and Happy Birthday to Jesus!

so hard to do!

this week has been dedicated to making and sending wedding invites (which, btw, was a seriously funny adventure with jamie)...and to also sending messages thru fb to friends (mostly from my college christian fellowship) i haven't seen in a while, saying that i could only invite them to the ceremony and not the reception...and while we haven't talked in a while, i still feel like i know at least one of them will be hurt/sad/offended i wasnt able to invite them to the reception too. but the truth is: i seriously cannot afford them! lol a lot of people say "well, they will understand. it's expensive!" and i know that's true. plus, if they are true friends, they'll be happy bc i'm getting married and will be just as happy being invited to the ceremony only! but i really can't help but feel really sad at the thought of hurting anybody, especially since this is supposed to be a celebration! ayyyyy...this is on my mind bc i seriously spent the last hour sending out messages. maybe i should have done this at the beginning instead of end of the day lol

but on a brighter note: HELLO DECEMBER! it seems like only yesterday that it was last year's december, and christmas time. and so much has happened within one year! goodness! praise the Lord! it's been really tough planning a wedding with limited funds and a very filipino family. i feel SUPER blessed to go to a church which stresses the importance of marriage as a display of the gospel. i'm also very blessed bc i have sisters who are married and young and it's just really cool to share this journey together! tonight at bible study i got to talk to Ate Maritess for a while about how my mom is driving me crazy, and she was like, "That's probably how I made Dayne feel..." and i was like AHHHHH!!!!! lol seriously!!!! my mom and my family are crazy!!!!! but it's progressed from me being really sad...to really angry...to really frustrated...and now it's just become comedic and me having a face that is like "huhhhh?!??!" kevin always tries to comfort me and pats me on the back. "poor babe, dont worry. we'll be married soon!" YEAH BUT NOT SOON ENOUGH BUCKO!!!! hahahahha

i really feel like this whole wedding planning this is showing me how sinful i am! i seriously just...have no patience and no joy when my family and mom are saying things that hurt me or are trying to take over the whole wedding. in one sense, it's justifiable. and in another, it's not. i'm supposed to be self-sacrificing the way Christ is, but where do i draw the line? i really do feel like Kevin is God's act of mercy for me, to have a husband that will love me the way Christ loves the church, but also, to save me from the problems i go through within my home and family life. BAH humbug!

thanksgiving week was really wonderful. i got to see my dad's side of the family, who i haven't even seen in over a year! we were all calling my dad and asking him where he was but we received no call or texts back, so we are assuming he is out of the country somewhere. i also spent some good bonding time with my twin cousin and big butt, and we would spend hours just laughing and watching movies and eating and going to the mall. i think that once i'm married, i'll miss that the most. all 3 of us cuddled in a bed and staying up late and doing whatever we wanted. i can't even imagine switching up the holidays between families! i'll have to adjust, obviously.

God's been good to me and kevin! just when you thought i'd be able to see him more often since he has 1 full time job and going to school, WRONG. he sees me LESS! because he is like super focused on homework and getting stuff done outside of work...i'm a distraction :( LAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!! i'm sorry that i like to smile and make weird faces at him and start talking to him in strange voices. that's just the way i ammm mannn!!! hahahaha but yah, whenever i get to see him, i'm really happy! i seriously cannot wait to marry this guy!

i'm also reading a few books and hopefully will finish them before the year ends:

1. the Bible (going through the OT-now on Nehemiah)

2. This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

3. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

the last book is really random. but i never got to read any jane austen books during high school and wanna touch up on popular novels!

gonna try to sleep with this really loud wind outside. in 8 hours me and jamie are gonna go out to a bridal store appt to try on more dresses, and hopefully find some dresses for bridesmaids.

goodnight, world!

prank of the year

So in the last post I wrote, which was like an hour ago, I mentioned how Kevin's first day of school at Masters College was today (he's studying to get his Bachelors in Christian Ministries) Kev called me when he got out, and guess who else was in his class....

ZACH HOLTER!?!?!?!?!!??!?!??!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kev said as he approached the class he saw Zach sitting in one of the seats, but since he sees Zach almost all the time in every other aspect of his life, he brushed it off. But then he was like, "WAIT...WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE MAN???" Apparently Zach was waiting for weeks to surprise and prank Kevin, also signing up for registration last minute! These guys...

That's a pretty good prank. I wonder what Kevin will do to get him back....hahahhaha I'm so happy they're together again! They were always hanging out before I came in and Kevin had to become serious and work 2 jobs, bla bla bla bla...lol Anyways, I'm really encouraged they're going to be in school together!

Sweet November

I can't believe it's the first day of November already! My goodness, time flies. So many new things have happened! Here's some bullet points to help make the entry I'm posting look more spiffy:

• I haven't had my car for the past 2 weeks because the engine busted. I also have a problem with the transmission :-/ So Jamie (my bff) and Kevin (my boo ;) and Angelica (nursing classmate/Korean popstar lover) have been driving me around everywhere. I'm so blessed to have such serving friends! They always say you never know what you got until it's gone, and MAN it was difficult not having one. The car was repaired yesterday and I'm so thankful to be able to drive around again (to get to school, to drive my auntie to the hospital to take care of my grandpa every day, and to get to work...)
• Praise the Lord! I was given two part-time jobs. One as a tutor for an elementary school (which would be great training for my future as a mother) and also a caregiver (also great training for motherhoood lol). I will work 8 hours as a tutor each week, and 12 hours as a caregiver (this varies...) so about 20 hours a week of work. But it's so nice to have an income, seeing as I'll be a married woman in 4 MONTHS!!! AHHH!!! Also, who knows how long it will be before I find a job as an LVN?
• PRAISE THE LORD EVEN MORE! Kevin is now a student at the Master's College in Santa Clarita! He started the same day as Alejo (AKA TODAY!). They have class once a week on Tuesday evenings. They are both in the Degree Completion program (there are 3 requirements to be in this program: 1) you must be 25 years old, 2) you must be married and 3) you must work full-time...did you notice that Kevin only has one of these requirements down? LOL. they are so gracious to allow him to start asap!) On every other Tuesday we have Excellent Wives Ministry for church, but on the Tuesdays there aren't, I can accompany him and hang around with Bethany! The coolest part about this is that they like to encourage and support marriage so spouses can take the class too! I'm so stoked! Kevin put in his two week's notice last week so he's back in school and getting ready for the long nights of homework, reports, and readings!
• God has really convicted me of my sin of lack of contentment. This whole past year I've wasted countless opportunities to be a light to my classmates and family, because of my grumbling and complaining about whatever wasn't happening my way. I've been so bogged down by my family and by scary teachers, and wish I had handled it better. I've been praying more for contentment in the Lord regardless of circumstances (the Apostle Paul learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in: Philippians 4:11-12). I have to pray every day to be joyful, and to not be easily angered if my family does something that hurts my feelings. It's really tough. God is humbling me and showing me more and more how much of a sinner I am, in need of His grace and power to be more like Him. The scary thing is...everything that comes out of my mouth is from my heart. My complaining and bitter thoughts are all stemmed from my heart, that's why it says "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flows the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23).
• Ate Rona told me a while ago to start reading books on how to raise children. I told her that I didn't want to lol. The reason? Well, the last year and a half before Kevin pursued me I always read books on becoming a woman who pleases God and a godly wife and read about gender roles. God was preparing me to be a wife, sooner than I thought! I told her that if i start reading I'm afraid I'd become a parent sooner than I hoped HAHAHA she told me I was being ridiculous, which of course, was the truth! Today I was looking at Parenting magazines and was really happy reading them. Kevin and I don't want to have kids anytime soon after the wedding day, we wanna wait at least 5 years. But who knows? God might have other plans (such as: BOOM baby is out right away, or YOU WILL NEVER HAVE BABIES EVERRRR!!) man...if I was barren I'd be so sad! But if that was God's will for me, what could be better?
• I'm still in school and studying for NCLEX. I have prep classes twice a week (Wednesdays and Fridays). Hopefully I can take my NCLEX by December. It might end up being January or February though. We'll see. I'm actually blogging because I don't wanna study! But after I'm done I'll have to study some more T__T
• Wedding planning is still really slow but I'm glad to know we have a venue for the wedding and reception. I had to switch it up with some bridesmaids because my family wants my cousins to be part of the bridal party, so I'm thankful my friends are lenient and not taking personal offense at the changes. I went from 8 bridesmaids to 5 or 6. It really all depends. Half are good friends, and half are cousins. We'll see how this turns out. Kevin and I hope to have some invites out by the end of this month.
• I like bulletpoints.
• I don't like cilantro.

Okay, I guess it's time to study again. I hope everyone is blessed! I CAN'T BELIEVE 2011 IS ALMOST OVER!!! AHHHH!!! 2012 is just around the corner...who doesn't love new beginnings though? I'm so excited for 2012 :)

wedding of my dreams...

man, i dunno what's going on with me, but recently i've had a LOT of weird dreams. for example:

dream #1: happened a few months ago, but i was at a speedzone place where kids like to go, but i was preparing to get married in this horrendous tie-dye, medieval style dress, getting prepared with some blonde woman and it was just falling apart from behind me as i walked down the aisle! while i was walking, there were kids sliding down big slides next to me ...

dream #2: happened two nights ago, but it was the night before my wedding and i was freaking out because i didn't have a wedding dress and all the stores were closed.

dream #3: happened today during a nap, it was the day of my wedding in a big beautiful catholic church, and i had this tiara and big poofy white dress (ick!) and my dad showed up during the last second to walk me down the aisle with a green barong (???) but then kevin's uncle, who is the pastor marrying us, told me i couldn't walk down the aisle normally. i had to enter through this side door, follow all these spiral patterns on the floor, and kevin was nowhere to be found! i kept looking to the front and he wasn't there! finally we realized he was just sitting in the front aisle chillin', and then they made us sit in this weird place in the center, and kevin just cracked jokes the entire time..... but no one was laughing at his jokes.....

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA POOR KEV. so random! I'm guessing that this is just my weird manifestations of stress before the wedding.

Speaking of which, PRAISE GOD because we have a venue for the reception! Here are the websites for the church and restaurant : http://fbcelsegundo.wordpress.com/

and http://www.reefrestaurant.com/the_reef/

Our wedding will take place March 3, 2012 at First Baptist Church of El Segundo, followed by a reception at The Reef Restaurant in Long Beach, CA. I'm so excited to be Leigh Ann Gausselin :) no more of this Hernandez ish! lol

Random fact: My dad isn't even a Hernandez anymore. His parents divorced when he was little, and he was really angry with his dad for never being there for him, so he changed his last name legally in his 30's to his mom's maiden name: Villasana. i got so mad at him bc he was too lazy to change the paperwork for me! i was like WHY AM I A HERNANDEZ? my dad and mom aren't even hernandez's! i was THISclose to changing it in high school, but it cost too much and the paperwork was annoying. kevin still remembers me telling him about it when we were younger and he was sad about it because i was the special "leigh ann hernandez" of his life haha

yayuhh

"But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs..."-1 Timothy 6:6-10

woohoo!!!!! Praise the Lord, He is so good, He provided me with a part-time caregiver job!!! :) and the coolest part about it is that it's all day Saturdays (for now) meaning that I will still be able to be involved in all the other ministry opportunities throughout the week (College & Career Bible Study, Friday Night High School Bible Study, Excellent Wives Ministry...) Kevin and I still have tons of wedding planning to follow through with also, and we've visited 11 venues this past month and a half! We are killing it! Not really. We only have 4-5 months left to plan!

God actually convicted me this past month about the dangers of loving money. I told Ate Rona my discipler about it, how I've never really had an income, sure I had summer jobs before, but it's only a matter of time before I work full time as an LVN. The last thing I wanted was to hate my role as a wife in the home...So she's been reminding me about the importance of giving, and how God provides the necessities of life! Ahhh....I'm just really happy I have some sort of income! Those college loans and debt need to be paid off! Woo! It's so nice knowing God is taking care of everything :)

22 going on 23

"every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father.."

-james 1: 17a

man o man, what a year. i'm home and reminiscing about the highs and lows of my 22nd year of life and there were so many things that have happened. my mom's been on my case about getting my hair layered and thinned out so today i got out of class around 145, then arrived at the vietnamese place in westminster (lol hey it's cheap and they do it good ok ;) around 230 and as the nice man cut my hair (the last time he cut it was the day i got engaged! he is strangely around during monumental stepping stones of my life ha!) i prayed and just was really happy that God blessed me so much these last 2 decades! i'm going to be 23 in a few hours and it's just SO nice! i'm so happy! and i have so much to look forward to. for all i know, maybe i won't have much more time on this earth. then again, maybe i'll live longer than any of the friends my age (how depressing, id be like LORD BRING ME HOME !!! lol)

Lows of my 22nd year:

1. Going through many family members not supporting my engagement and having many of them discourage me and tell me I was making a mistake bc i was too young, not financially stable, etc. especially all the crazy comments from my dad!!! ahh he's crazy lol of course, they all LOVE kevin so they did make it a point to say "we do think it's the right guy, just not the right time" ..eventually they came to accept it though. i'm like: mmhmm that's right lol ;) yipee!

2. Gaining a lot of weight being made fun of for it :'(..and now, i know, a lot of girls go "omg i'm sooo fat and i gained soo much weight" bla bla and you kinda just wanna roll your eyes and smack them bc they are like 90 pounds lol but this is for real! i started nursing weighing like 120-125 and now i'm 145 lbs!! I'M LIKE WHOA MAMAZ WHAT HAPPENED?!?! hahahhaa well lets just say people say you gain weight while in nursing school, and statistically most couples gain weight together. ahh why did it have to happen at the same time?! no worries though. imma lose it and scare people at my wedding bc im aiming for the anorexic look (jk jk!)

3. Nursing school was harder than I expected, but that's also because I didn't study as hard. I also really struggled with mean instructors who snap and are impatient (and tomorrow I start at another clinical site with another mean instructor..err!) but hey, i guess i'm being prepared for the real world that way. Not every nurse I run into is going to be nice and helpful to students or patients (which is the reason why I primarily wanted to be a lawyer prosecuting nurses who were negligent and I wanted to specialize in malpractice)...and guess where I am now! Working amongst those specific nurses...lol I do know God is sanctifying me through these experiences though. I'm really happy with all i've learned in nursing!

HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH...THERE!

1. OF COUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURSE BEING PURSUED BY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND THEN GETTING ENGAGED!!!! Woot woooooot!!!! Nothing like it!!!! ..GOD IS GOOD AND GRACIOUS and He gave me a future husband who will lead me and our future bebes to godly living! yayyy!!!! lol Aww. I'm so happy to be with Kevin. my looove! i also like to say that my love verse for him is psalm 37:4 "delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." at that point in my life i really didnt need any body, i was so happy with God, and i just harassed kevin bc he knew more Bible and i wanted to milk him for all his worth and steal parts of his brain and heart hahaha but heyyy i guess he fell for me too as he pursued God ;) aww man i really miss those days of last summer where we both served in ministry!!! ahh paul, i totally understand what you mean by how good it is to be single to spend most of your time not devoted to earthly matters like finances (1 cor 7). I never see him anymore, and that's also a super high of this year:

2. God blessing Kevin with a second job. That was one of my family's major concerns (bc when he first pursued me, he was only working part time at BJ's...now he works 6o-70 hours, as a Medical Claims Examiner at Caremore and also part time at BJ's)...we prayed for Kevin to get a second job so that he could support me as a husband, since I wouldnt be done with school and my Nclex until November...so that was just a nice reminder of Matthew 6:33 :) Seek his will and his righteousness and God will provide the necessities homies! God is so sweet! <3 <3 <3

3. Nursing....YES, the same low is also the same high. lol amazingly enough I feel like I really enjoy caring for the sick and I also realized how much I love babies bc after seeing one born it's like I'm addicted to wanting to see and help more come out of pregnant women! ahhh babies :) I also really love the people I've met in class, and I love hanging out with friends like Angelica and Alona. I dunno, it's really nice bc in the university setting it's difficult to make friends in huge classrooms.

4. Being in ministry at SBCAC...although it was sporadic bc of the limitations of timing with nursing, I had SUCH a blast helping out with VBS and also teaching sunday school and high school ministry...I just loved serving...I dunno...nothing like serving God and His people!

ANYYYYWAYYYZZZZ....that's a long enough post for now. PRAISE GOD FOR ANOTHER YEAR! I'm so happy and looking forward to so many things!

Things to look forward to in my 23rd year (can you tell I like making numbered bullet points?):

1. Finishing nursing school (graduating and taking my NCLEX in November)!

2. GETTING MURRRRRRIEEED!!! YEAYUHHH!!!! Time to spend every morning waking up to my husband and never having to say "goodbye" at the end of the day to separate :( ahh!!! YIPEEE!!! Change of name too: Leigh Ann Gausselin....wait, what...? did you say...Leigh Ann GAUSSELIN?? ahhh :)

Haha well of course we know that God inspires us in the book of James never to plan anything, but instead to say "if God wills.." So many things can happen the next few months! Maybe the rapture will happen and we'll all be in the sky...kevin and i always joke that we will try to get married as we are floated up just to say we got married before we got to heaven haha! holding hands and everything and trying to force pastor to say it as we get closer to Jesus "i pronounce you man and...oh HI JESUS!!!" hahaha or , in a horrible sense, God might take one of us home. And that would be heartbreaking but i also like to try to keep in mind that whatever God wants will happen and it's for the best.

Whatever happens this next year: God is still God, and He is still good, and man I am happy resting in His love and grace :)

PEACE OUT 22. WHAT IT DO 23??? ahhhh praise God. i'm so hyper i wanna go around and chase some ducks or something

rest

I called in sick today for clinicals. My throat was scratchy, I had a headache, and I had a lot of snot coming out of my nose (TMI!!) lol but it was nice to just not stress out and relax at home....

I can't wait to graduate from nursing!!!! One more month plus a week and I'm OUT. Praise God! I need strength lol

"i'm too busy not to pray"

my body is so tired!!!! ahhhhhhhh!!!! and then there's camp this weekend. i hope i don't get sick (i already feel kinda funkayyy) noooo!!! Lord keep me healthy lol

but anywho, God is really good. one of the nicest ways to start out my day is to pray on the way to school. and this is usually the order in which i pray:

1. thanking God (what can u NOT thank him for?!?!) for waking up, for being who He is, for having me alive and healthy, for salvation in Jesus....

2. confessing my sins (always! man i am far beyond perfect. thank God for Christ's righteousness being given to me :)

3. praying for my family's salvation, like my mom and dad and big big butt and billy (ate rona totally called me out on dishonoring my parents, it's really difficult for me when they don't have the same beliefs and completely different moral standards....but if i am in the Spirit and they are not, why aren't i heartbroken and mourning? i told ate rona that sometimes it's just draining and too sad, that i'd rather ignore it, but she's right. it's so easy to "wish my family was different' when really i'm the one who needs to change! God help me. it's also strangely easier for me to be nicer to my dad even though he's let us down more than my mom. i guess cuz my mom's always been there...)

4. praying for my love (for kevin's energy bc he works 60+ hrs, poor thing! for his spiritual walk, for our relationship to be holy and pleasing to God, for our future family and children, for our finances (kevin's 2nd job is still temporary, and i have a lot of loans to pay off so hopefully i get a job asap after i graduate and pass everything i need to) ahhh i love praying for Kevin! HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY! praise God. i still can't believe God gave him to me :)

5. praying for church family (pastor/pastors in training)/married couples (MANG divorce is prevalent! we need protection!!!) my discipler, those i disciple

6. praying for girllll friends/some guy friends haha ;) this takes a while. i'm not going to list them haha

7. praying for school and being a good witness and passing everything

and then i just kinda chat a little with God after that. if i don't have a set routine i usually forget what i wanna pray about so this is helping out a bit, though of course i can always pray more deeply! it's tough to stay focused on God. 20 minutes in a car isn't really enough when one thinks about it.

late night thoughtzzZZzzZZ

Oh my goodness, August is almost over! Time flies. To be completely honest, these past few months have been strange and very testing. A lot of stuff has been going on with some sisters in Christ, then my family has their own set of problems, and I am having a tough time dealing with really mean and condescending nursing instructors/nurses in clinical settings. But! Thank the Lord I have so many truths and promises to keep in mind:

"In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other..." (Ecclesiastes 7:14a)

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4)

Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. God is so good to me. I wish I would always respond in thankfulness as opposed to bitterness/sadness when times get tough. Thank the Lord that I have a discipler who points me to Christ and to whom I can run and call when I need advice as a young woman growing in the Lord. I just need to endure and persevere. Every tough time has been planned by God to occur in order for me to become more like Christ, it's for my good. Uncle John kept stressing that during marriage counseling bc I opened up to him a lot about my past and background. Easier said than done. I need prayer!

I feel like I barely if ever see Kevin anymore. Also, after this week, in the month of September I'll have night clinicals. Meaning I will see him less!!! WHYYYY!!! lol I miss him so much. Oh wellzies! This is meant to be also, hopefully just for a season. Then we can get married and I can stare at him all the time O__O until he tells me to go away lol

God is good. Praise Him!

Uncle John & Auntie Susie

It's only a few more months before Kevin and I are gonna get married, thank God! Everyone keeps asking me how wedding planning is going and all I can say is: non-existent lol it's the least of my concerns, I'm more involved with schooling and ministry, and am looking for a job, but what I am happy about is we're consistently going to pre-marital counseling with Uncle John and Auntie Susie. Uncle John is Kevin's uncle and also a pastor of a church in El Segundo. Auntie Susie is his wife, and also Kevin's dad's sister. Uncle John is going to be the one marrying us this upcoming February/March 2012.

In an attempt to dodge studying for a HESI tomorrow because I'm burnt out from studying for a Neuro test I took today (praise the Lord I passed! Almost half the class failed it, man it was hard!) I'm going to spend the next few minutes talking about stuff that makes me happy haha then I'll go back to studying blehhhh....

One of the funny things about Uncle John and Auntie Susie is that I heard about them even before me and Kev got together. Back last summer when Kevin and I would hang out, I would tell Kevin about how I desired to be a pastor's wife (oh, how things have changed...I really, honestly do NOT think I have the qualities to be one, praise God for those women who have that strength and virtues! A pastor's wife is called to be and do much) and he would say "Oh you would be a great pastor's wife, you remind me of my Auntie Susie, who's the wife of my Uncle John." and he told me about how Auntie Susie is like, the most social woman and anyone who steps into a church will feel loved and welcomed and part of the family. And then Kevin proceeded to tell me about how he never wanted to get married because he saw no benefit in it, lol, but then he said how he aspired to be like Uncle John, that if he were ever to get married ever since he was a young kid he would want Uncle John to marry him and his future wife. Uncle John is a beast in theology too, Kevin said that the two people whom he holds highest in theological stature is Pastor Felix and Uncle John. Uncle John attended Fuller Seminary (back when it was conservative, and Kevin jokes that John Piper was his classmate..but they actually probably were, Kevin has yet to ask) and then he went to Westminster Theological Seminary (and Kevin explained to me how this is Old Princetonian...because Princeton used to be a Christian conservative school but then it became liberal and so the conservatives separated and branched out to keep the roots alive in Westminster, that's why you hear about the "Princeton theologians") but the cool thing about Uncle John is despite all of his amazing knowledge, he is so humble and loving and MAN I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk like him, he is like a man out of an English movie lol He talks so lovingly about and to his wife, they are so in love and it's just so hard to miss. And he says things so poetic, like, instead of saying "Hey we are running out of time we will continue later" he says "We are just going to have to put a bookmark in this chapter of our conversation..." LOL WHO SAYS THAT?!?! hahahhaa I love them so much! I can't wait to continue learning from both of them. Uncle John teaches us a curriculum he made, but Auntie Susie will sometimes joins us to sit in and it's nice to have her wonderful feminine presence. The last two times we went she had to be shopping for food the homeless people coming and the children (talk about a Proverbs 31 woman!) so she couldn't be with us :( But Kevin and I had a date and watched her perform at a fundraising concert because she sings in a Chorus group. Auntie Susie and Uncle John are in their 50's and are also very tall. Kevin and I talk about how Auntie Susie has such a mothering presence, that every time I see her I just wanna rest on her bosom lol

Anyways, I'm going on and on and on about how amazing this couple is, and I can keep going but I choose to stop. I'm going to make a separate entry about what we learned this last time we met.

"Appreciate what you have. It was once one of the many things you prayed for."

another one bites the dust!

I PASSED THE SECOND HESI! Praise the Lord :) I'm so happy!

But then my teacher told me the last HESI which was supposed to be Monday morning would still be Monday morning...ONLINE. So we could do it at home. Meaning...I COULD HAVE GONE TO RESOLVED x_x omg..so sad...everyone is heading over there right now having fun and fellowshipping. ayyyyy so jealous. lol but then again, these last few weeks have been SO hard because I didn't even know if I would pass either of the HESI's. It's by God's grace I passed the first two. my goodness. I guess this weekend will consist of a lot of rest, cleaning my room, catching up on my reading (Bible and other books), and Kev and I are gonna be visiting the church we'll be getting married at on Sunday along with the reception site. It's gonna be a pretty chill next upcoming week. I'm so stoked! GOODBYE TERM 3! Time for my last term at American Career College. Praise the Lord it's almost over!