so hard to do!

this week has been dedicated to making and sending wedding invites (which, btw, was a seriously funny adventure with jamie)...and to also sending messages thru fb to friends (mostly from my college christian fellowship) i haven't seen in a while, saying that i could only invite them to the ceremony and not the reception...and while we haven't talked in a while, i still feel like i know at least one of them will be hurt/sad/offended i wasnt able to invite them to the reception too. but the truth is: i seriously cannot afford them! lol a lot of people say "well, they will understand. it's expensive!" and i know that's true. plus, if they are true friends, they'll be happy bc i'm getting married and will be just as happy being invited to the ceremony only! but i really can't help but feel really sad at the thought of hurting anybody, especially since this is supposed to be a celebration! ayyyyy...this is on my mind bc i seriously spent the last hour sending out messages. maybe i should have done this at the beginning instead of end of the day lol

but on a brighter note: HELLO DECEMBER! it seems like only yesterday that it was last year's december, and christmas time. and so much has happened within one year! goodness! praise the Lord! it's been really tough planning a wedding with limited funds and a very filipino family. i feel SUPER blessed to go to a church which stresses the importance of marriage as a display of the gospel. i'm also very blessed bc i have sisters who are married and young and it's just really cool to share this journey together! tonight at bible study i got to talk to Ate Maritess for a while about how my mom is driving me crazy, and she was like, "That's probably how I made Dayne feel..." and i was like AHHHHH!!!!! lol seriously!!!! my mom and my family are crazy!!!!! but it's progressed from me being really sad...to really angry...to really frustrated...and now it's just become comedic and me having a face that is like "huhhhh?!??!" kevin always tries to comfort me and pats me on the back. "poor babe, dont worry. we'll be married soon!" YEAH BUT NOT SOON ENOUGH BUCKO!!!! hahahahha

i really feel like this whole wedding planning this is showing me how sinful i am! i seriously just...have no patience and no joy when my family and mom are saying things that hurt me or are trying to take over the whole wedding. in one sense, it's justifiable. and in another, it's not. i'm supposed to be self-sacrificing the way Christ is, but where do i draw the line? i really do feel like Kevin is God's act of mercy for me, to have a husband that will love me the way Christ loves the church, but also, to save me from the problems i go through within my home and family life. BAH humbug!

thanksgiving week was really wonderful. i got to see my dad's side of the family, who i haven't even seen in over a year! we were all calling my dad and asking him where he was but we received no call or texts back, so we are assuming he is out of the country somewhere. i also spent some good bonding time with my twin cousin and big butt, and we would spend hours just laughing and watching movies and eating and going to the mall. i think that once i'm married, i'll miss that the most. all 3 of us cuddled in a bed and staying up late and doing whatever we wanted. i can't even imagine switching up the holidays between families! i'll have to adjust, obviously.

God's been good to me and kevin! just when you thought i'd be able to see him more often since he has 1 full time job and going to school, WRONG. he sees me LESS! because he is like super focused on homework and getting stuff done outside of work...i'm a distraction :( LAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!! i'm sorry that i like to smile and make weird faces at him and start talking to him in strange voices. that's just the way i ammm mannn!!! hahahaha but yah, whenever i get to see him, i'm really happy! i seriously cannot wait to marry this guy!

i'm also reading a few books and hopefully will finish them before the year ends:

1. the Bible (going through the OT-now on Nehemiah)

2. This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

3. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

the last book is really random. but i never got to read any jane austen books during high school and wanna touch up on popular novels!

gonna try to sleep with this really loud wind outside. in 8 hours me and jamie are gonna go out to a bridal store appt to try on more dresses, and hopefully find some dresses for bridesmaids.

goodnight, world!