R.I.P. Andee Banrasavong

"Now listen, you who say 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." -James 4: 13-17

Knowing that my sister Andee has gone to heaven has been a really crazy wake-up call. My gosh, she was so young. Only 22, engaged, and thinking so much about the future. Next week is our fellowship's Senior Banquet and she had turned in her questionnaire earliest of us all. It's not going to be the same without her. She was so gentle, and sweet, and loving. We bonded a lot because of our love for Jamielyne and how we felt like Brian was always racist towards us for being South East Asian, dark, and with small eyes (she was Laotian, I was Filipina) Ironic thing is, BRIAN IS THAI, DARK, AND HAS SMALL EYES TOO! Obviously he has some self-hatred complex or is in denial or something lol.

Andee and I were friends, but we weren't the closest of friends. We would smile and catch up quickly whenever we got the chance, but her death really has affected me in ways she will never know. Well, one day she'll know, when we're in heaven one day and I go “HEY GIRL, I'VE MISSED YOU! ” It's just weird to think, that in one way I'm jealous because she is with Jesus, and I'm jealous of Jesus because he gets to be with her too! But can one even begin to imagine what it feels like to be in His arms? It kinda makes my heart beat really fast and takes my breath away. To meet this God-man who died for us because of this grace nobody can comprehend or understand, who died for us even when we didn't deserve it and rose from the dead? How beautiful and pure and glorious He is! I don't even understand how Jesus would even WANT to hug and be with me! I'm sinful, and I don't pay as much attention to Him as I should, and I do struggle with making idols of every day things (like money and career, reputation, marital status, beauty, etc.) And to think, that even with all my flaws, He STILL loves me! Amazing and I still can't grasp it.

Praise God that Andee was saved and is now spending eternity with Him!

...but I am still here, and obviously God's purpose for Andee was fulfilled, and it makes me think about how I'm spending my days here on earth. It's frustrating and annoying to do things just to survive (paying off bills and taxes, doing homework and reports, cleaning up, running errands for the house, etc.) but what about my ministry? At UCSB I serve on student leadership within Asian American Christian Fellowship. I love that fellowship! It was during my freshman year of college at a winter retreat sponsored by them that I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of my life. So my heart goes out to this fellowship, and when I graduate, I'll continue to pray for the new freshmen and transfers. I also disciple 2 younger sisters, Jessica (sophomore) and Rhena (freshman), who also accepted Christ during their freshman year. Jessica is just an adorable bundle of joy who is so in love with Jesus it shines! And Rhena, is so encouraging! I was teaching her about the inerrancy and infallibility of the Bible, about the differences between natural and special revelation, and she was asking questions like “What does sovereignty mean?” and once I'd answer, she would go, “Wow...God is so amazing..” AGH they are so thirsty and hungry it's so beautiful! I've talked to brothers and sisters of the faith who tell me that they are somewhat jealous, because they grew up in the Christian household and never understood what it felt like to be excited about Jesus since they were used to it. I hope that Rhena, Jessica, and I never understand what the means. But even after 3 years of being in the faith, and going through the motions, I watch Jessica and Rhena and am inspired. It's so sad to “get used” to the Christian lifestyle. It's so easy to forget the reasons why we do what we do.



Oh goodness. After I graduate in 4 weeks, I'll be moving back home to be with my family and to work part time while doing school for nursing. No more serving in AACF, but it's time to go back to Mommy and Joshua. I've been praying for a long time about finding a solid home church that the three of us can go to, but I'm not sure that it's plausible. Joshua has been so blessed by the Filipino bible study he has been going to. After having a serious talk with him a few days ago, and being even more convicted after Andee's death and from a conversation with a good brother, Josh told me that he felt like he was learning so much at this bible study and he was glad he made new friends. I told him that he needed to take faith in Jesus seriously, that life wasn't guaranteed because one day soon he could die, and depending on where he stands in his beliefs, he will be in heaven or hell. It's SO SCARY, not to know the future, but God is sovereign and THAT is comforting. My prayer is that Joshua grow up with godly brothers his age, and older, to lead him and to have great foundational doctrine in Jesus Christ. I've been wanting Joshua to have older brothers to look up to, and this church has a PLETHORA of men to lead him lol I need to continue to pray about this. If I decide to bring Joshua to this church as a homechurch, most likely my mommy won't be joining us because it's too far. But if I do choose this church, Joshua will be learning such great teaching of the Word (and he's already said he feels like he's learning so much) and he will have brothers to turn to during his high school years coming up. He is so young, and he seems so interested in church and I told him that I wanted to send him off to Mount Hermon (a Christian camp I've heard about from friends) this summer and he was excited. I feel like the Spirit is working so much in my household, and especially in my little brother, and to know that seeds are being planted is comforting. If one day, I am taken away at an early age as well, I hope that Joshua still grows up with an understanding of who Jesus is and what He has accomplished on the cross. I love my little brother. I'm always going to try and point him to the Word for answers. It's nice to see him opening up his bible and reading. I feel like my heart is so big it's gonna burst when it comes to my family. But God has done so much already in these last 3 years, what makes me think that He is going to stop? I need to continue to press on in persistent prayer like that persistent widow in Luke 18!

Man, crazy lessons being learned this past year...