do you hear what I hear?

My mommy got Kevin and me some new winter coats as Christmas presents! Woohoo! Check it out ------------>

Where did 2010 go? Merry Merry Merry Christmas!!!! I can't believe it's the day after Christmas already, it just reminds me that time passes by faster as I get older. I celebrated with my mom's side of the family and we went to a midnight candlelight service at Hollywood Presbyterian Church. Kevin's family invited us and it was so beautiful! I loved it there. I've only been to a few Christian churches since I was saved 4 years ago, so the whole church scene (contemporary, traditional...and this refers to worship to architectural styles) is still pretty new to me in some sense! My mom's side of the family went to Catholic Mass and we met back home afterwards to open presents (we open them midnight!)

The Christmas sermon was a sweet one. The pastor talked about how God came into a world of ruins because He loved us enough. Why would anyone want to come into a world like ours, filled with ruins and disease and hatred and strife and pain? He used the verses John 1:1, 15 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...The Word became flesh and dwelt among us." Many times I'm overwhelmed with God's love for me, and I still do not love Him the way He deserves, or commands me, or expects of me. It's still really tough because a lot of friends ask me, "Do you love God?" and I hesitate. Of course I do. But how do I explain the complexity of it? Love sounds so simple but it really isn't. How do I explain, "Yes, I do love God, but not nearly as much as He loves me and I don't give Him what He deserves, I don't surrender fully to Him my thoughts and my actions and my free time and it's still so difficult to involve Him in every aspect of my life. and YES. I do love Him, but I am only able to do so because He loved me first!" Usually people only want a yes or no answer lol oopsie poopsie!

Ever since I started nursing school, I've gotten busier and so much more tired. I miss my free time. I miss the summer, when I just got to spend the ENTIRE day reading the Bible and theology and spending time in fellowship. But I'm thankful for that time period, it was preparing me for now, when i have to get back to being busy and such. There are specific things I really want to study for: the Trinity and the deity of Christ, the Reformation (its leaders and Church History) and theological perspectives (Reformed, Charistmatic, Dispensationalism, etc.)...I actually just really want to finish my Systematic Theology book by Grudem but that will take forever. I have so many books I have yet to finish. They're collecting dust unfortunately. I'm not going to complain about how nursing takes up all my time though. I actually really love nursing and am thankful for enjoying it!

Praise God for sending His Son Jesus Christ who is fully human and fully God to die on a cross for my sins. We have a lot to be merry about on Christmas. Thank God for salvation.

consider it pure joy (trials)

Today was a humbling experience. I was humiliated in front of others because of my shortcomings and I wanted to cry. I almost did, but I think it would have made things worse. But by the end of the day, God had mercy and helped me to redeem myself by accomplishing what I needed to do. Denggg....it's just one of them days!

Additionally, I'm healing from a really bad cough and cold. Thank God! Sickness really causes my body to yearn for the glorification of our future bodies. I can't even imagine having perfect bodies, the way Adam and Eve did before the Fall.

I have a Phil Wickham CD and the first song is called "Eden" and it's really very beautiful. I listen to it every now and then. Here are the lyrics which really move me:

When the first light brightened the dark
Before the breaking of the human heart
There was You and there was me
Innocence was all I knew
'Cause all I had to know was You
We were running underneath the trees

I wanna see you face to face
Where being in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

I remember how'd You call my name
And I would meet You at the garden gate
How the glory of Your love would shine
And I remember when the stars were young
You breathed life into my lungs
Oh I never felt so alive

I wanna see you face to face
Would be in your arms is the permanent state
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

To be naked and unashamed
In a sweet down pour of innocent rain
I want it like it was back then
I wanna be in Eden

Where my eyes can see the colors of glory
My hands can reach the heaven before me
Oh, my God I wanna be there with You
Where our hearts will beat with joy together
And love will reign forever and ever
Oh my God I wanna be there with You

I want to be in Eden, too.

for granted

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:12

What a tough week. But I really am amazed at how easy it is for me to find things to complain about when I have a gift that is more precious than anything else--eternal life, through faith in Jesus Christ. I am a sinner saved by grace, and I'm learning how to take into account that I shouldn't be so sure of myself even after time and experiences with family, friends, and circumstances, and that I need to rely on God more for my shortcomings. Even though my emotions are going against me, I need to stand firm and stop being prideful that I won't commit the same sins to those I love: "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful..." (1 Cor 10: 12-13) It's so easy to be frustrated when people don't respond the way you want them to during certain conversations. It's so easy to take advantage of God's grace. If i have ever gotten hit over the head with how much I cannot do and how much of God's grace I need, this is one of those weeks. It was like one thing after another. But I'm thankful, because God has His reasons for letting these things happen and He is sovereign and this is all for my sanctification; even when I mess up and fail and don't respond properly (which i have done over and over and over again in my life) and sin, I am able to confess my sins and approach the throne of grace confidently because of Jesus Christ as my Mediator, each time I repent. Praise God. Now really, how can I ever take that for granted? These lapses of spiritual drought and sadness make no sense, but I'm human and fallen and a lame-o! Sigh. God is so good, and I'm just looking into a mirror of how much I don't deserve His grace and mercy.

I am still learning to see just how ugly this sin really is....God is kinder and more forgiving than I will ever understand. I need prayer.

Proverbs 27:17 says...

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Amen!

So Jamie has been a huge encouragement to me throughout our whole 5 years of friendship, and I can't thank God enough for a best friend as godly and beautiful (inside and out) as her. Really, I am so blessed by her.

She's so sweet and funny! Here's one of the ways she's exhorted/rebuked me recently, regarding sin and holiness:

Jamie: Read Romans about living in the flesh and Matthew when Jesus talks about stumbling other believers

girl, Jesus is gonna put a heavy necklace on you and drown you in the ocean if you continue with the stumbling!

lol im totally misquoting right now

but it's in matthew i think

Me: WHAT!!! LOL! i love your misquoting. it's funny but i know it's true....I don't want that necklace around my neck girl!

Jamie: well that's how much Jesus hates sin and how we as believers should too

remember, he'd rather have our limbs cut off then go to hell

I honestly believe a lot of friends are too caught up in offending one another, rather than caring for the state of their soul with Jesus. I praise God that I have a best friend who calls me out, in a blunt yet silly (if that's even possible...i'm pretty sure only Jamie can pull it off ) kinda way. When I am even straying just slightly, thank God she's there to help me by pointing me to Christ. God is so good, giving us fellow believers. It's amazing to think that the same Holy Spirit which dwells within me, is also within her. We're united because of our common ground in Christ.

Praise God!

on point

And I don't want no one if I cant have you
a world of illusion
But baby you're true
I know I deceived you I once told you lies
If you don't believe me
Just look in my eyes

(lyrics from "Mother just can't get enough" by New Radicals)

changes.

and lots of it.

it's comforting to know that God is sovereign. What a week!

as Jamie likes to put it, "Gahhhh!!! God, why are you so crazy?!??!" lolll

Jonathan Edwards' perspective on his future wife, Sarah

Clearly smitten, he was. And she was only 13 while he was 20 when he wrote this!

"They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is beloved of that almighty Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him--that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love, favor and delight, forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and sweetness of temper, uncommon purity in her affections; is most just and praiseworthy in all her actions; and you could not persuade her to do anything thought wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after those times in which this great God has manifested himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about, singing sweetly, from place to [place]; and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure, and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, and to wander in the fields and on the mountains, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her."