What a tough week. But I really am amazed at how easy it is for me to find things to complain about when I have a gift that is more precious than anything else--eternal life, through faith in Jesus Christ. I am a sinner saved by grace, and I'm learning how to take into account that I shouldn't be so sure of myself even after time and experiences with family, friends, and circumstances, and that I need to rely on God more for my shortcomings. Even though my emotions are going against me, I need to stand firm and stop being prideful that I won't commit the same sins to those I love: "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful..." (1 Cor 10: 12-13) It's so easy to be frustrated when people don't respond the way you want them to during certain conversations. It's so easy to take advantage of God's grace. If i have ever gotten hit over the head with how much I cannot do and how much of God's grace I need, this is one of those weeks. It was like one thing after another. But I'm thankful, because God has His reasons for letting these things happen and He is sovereign and this is all for my sanctification; even when I mess up and fail and don't respond properly (which i have done over and over and over again in my life) and sin, I am able to confess my sins and approach the throne of grace confidently because of Jesus Christ as my Mediator, each time I repent. Praise God. Now really, how can I ever take that for granted? These lapses of spiritual drought and sadness make no sense, but I'm human and fallen and a lame-o! Sigh. God is so good, and I'm just looking into a mirror of how much I don't deserve His grace and mercy.
I am still learning to see just how ugly this sin really is....God is kinder and more forgiving than I will ever understand. I need prayer.
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