22 going on 23

"every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father.."

-james 1: 17a

man o man, what a year. i'm home and reminiscing about the highs and lows of my 22nd year of life and there were so many things that have happened. my mom's been on my case about getting my hair layered and thinned out so today i got out of class around 145, then arrived at the vietnamese place in westminster (lol hey it's cheap and they do it good ok ;) around 230 and as the nice man cut my hair (the last time he cut it was the day i got engaged! he is strangely around during monumental stepping stones of my life ha!) i prayed and just was really happy that God blessed me so much these last 2 decades! i'm going to be 23 in a few hours and it's just SO nice! i'm so happy! and i have so much to look forward to. for all i know, maybe i won't have much more time on this earth. then again, maybe i'll live longer than any of the friends my age (how depressing, id be like LORD BRING ME HOME !!! lol)

Lows of my 22nd year:

1. Going through many family members not supporting my engagement and having many of them discourage me and tell me I was making a mistake bc i was too young, not financially stable, etc. especially all the crazy comments from my dad!!! ahh he's crazy lol of course, they all LOVE kevin so they did make it a point to say "we do think it's the right guy, just not the right time" ..eventually they came to accept it though. i'm like: mmhmm that's right lol ;) yipee!

2. Gaining a lot of weight being made fun of for it :'(..and now, i know, a lot of girls go "omg i'm sooo fat and i gained soo much weight" bla bla and you kinda just wanna roll your eyes and smack them bc they are like 90 pounds lol but this is for real! i started nursing weighing like 120-125 and now i'm 145 lbs!! I'M LIKE WHOA MAMAZ WHAT HAPPENED?!?! hahahhaa well lets just say people say you gain weight while in nursing school, and statistically most couples gain weight together. ahh why did it have to happen at the same time?! no worries though. imma lose it and scare people at my wedding bc im aiming for the anorexic look (jk jk!)

3. Nursing school was harder than I expected, but that's also because I didn't study as hard. I also really struggled with mean instructors who snap and are impatient (and tomorrow I start at another clinical site with another mean instructor..err!) but hey, i guess i'm being prepared for the real world that way. Not every nurse I run into is going to be nice and helpful to students or patients (which is the reason why I primarily wanted to be a lawyer prosecuting nurses who were negligent and I wanted to specialize in malpractice)...and guess where I am now! Working amongst those specific nurses...lol I do know God is sanctifying me through these experiences though. I'm really happy with all i've learned in nursing!

HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH HIGH...THERE!

1. OF COUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURSE BEING PURSUED BY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND THEN GETTING ENGAGED!!!! Woot woooooot!!!! Nothing like it!!!! ..GOD IS GOOD AND GRACIOUS and He gave me a future husband who will lead me and our future bebes to godly living! yayyy!!!! lol Aww. I'm so happy to be with Kevin. my looove! i also like to say that my love verse for him is psalm 37:4 "delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." at that point in my life i really didnt need any body, i was so happy with God, and i just harassed kevin bc he knew more Bible and i wanted to milk him for all his worth and steal parts of his brain and heart hahaha but heyyy i guess he fell for me too as he pursued God ;) aww man i really miss those days of last summer where we both served in ministry!!! ahh paul, i totally understand what you mean by how good it is to be single to spend most of your time not devoted to earthly matters like finances (1 cor 7). I never see him anymore, and that's also a super high of this year:

2. God blessing Kevin with a second job. That was one of my family's major concerns (bc when he first pursued me, he was only working part time at BJ's...now he works 6o-70 hours, as a Medical Claims Examiner at Caremore and also part time at BJ's)...we prayed for Kevin to get a second job so that he could support me as a husband, since I wouldnt be done with school and my Nclex until November...so that was just a nice reminder of Matthew 6:33 :) Seek his will and his righteousness and God will provide the necessities homies! God is so sweet! <3 <3 <3

3. Nursing....YES, the same low is also the same high. lol amazingly enough I feel like I really enjoy caring for the sick and I also realized how much I love babies bc after seeing one born it's like I'm addicted to wanting to see and help more come out of pregnant women! ahhh babies :) I also really love the people I've met in class, and I love hanging out with friends like Angelica and Alona. I dunno, it's really nice bc in the university setting it's difficult to make friends in huge classrooms.

4. Being in ministry at SBCAC...although it was sporadic bc of the limitations of timing with nursing, I had SUCH a blast helping out with VBS and also teaching sunday school and high school ministry...I just loved serving...I dunno...nothing like serving God and His people!

ANYYYYWAYYYZZZZ....that's a long enough post for now. PRAISE GOD FOR ANOTHER YEAR! I'm so happy and looking forward to so many things!

Things to look forward to in my 23rd year (can you tell I like making numbered bullet points?):

1. Finishing nursing school (graduating and taking my NCLEX in November)!

2. GETTING MURRRRRRIEEED!!! YEAYUHHH!!!! Time to spend every morning waking up to my husband and never having to say "goodbye" at the end of the day to separate :( ahh!!! YIPEEE!!! Change of name too: Leigh Ann Gausselin....wait, what...? did you say...Leigh Ann GAUSSELIN?? ahhh :)

Haha well of course we know that God inspires us in the book of James never to plan anything, but instead to say "if God wills.." So many things can happen the next few months! Maybe the rapture will happen and we'll all be in the sky...kevin and i always joke that we will try to get married as we are floated up just to say we got married before we got to heaven haha! holding hands and everything and trying to force pastor to say it as we get closer to Jesus "i pronounce you man and...oh HI JESUS!!!" hahaha or , in a horrible sense, God might take one of us home. And that would be heartbreaking but i also like to try to keep in mind that whatever God wants will happen and it's for the best.

Whatever happens this next year: God is still God, and He is still good, and man I am happy resting in His love and grace :)

PEACE OUT 22. WHAT IT DO 23??? ahhhh praise God. i'm so hyper i wanna go around and chase some ducks or something

rest

I called in sick today for clinicals. My throat was scratchy, I had a headache, and I had a lot of snot coming out of my nose (TMI!!) lol but it was nice to just not stress out and relax at home....

I can't wait to graduate from nursing!!!! One more month plus a week and I'm OUT. Praise God! I need strength lol

"i'm too busy not to pray"

my body is so tired!!!! ahhhhhhhh!!!! and then there's camp this weekend. i hope i don't get sick (i already feel kinda funkayyy) noooo!!! Lord keep me healthy lol

but anywho, God is really good. one of the nicest ways to start out my day is to pray on the way to school. and this is usually the order in which i pray:

1. thanking God (what can u NOT thank him for?!?!) for waking up, for being who He is, for having me alive and healthy, for salvation in Jesus....

2. confessing my sins (always! man i am far beyond perfect. thank God for Christ's righteousness being given to me :)

3. praying for my family's salvation, like my mom and dad and big big butt and billy (ate rona totally called me out on dishonoring my parents, it's really difficult for me when they don't have the same beliefs and completely different moral standards....but if i am in the Spirit and they are not, why aren't i heartbroken and mourning? i told ate rona that sometimes it's just draining and too sad, that i'd rather ignore it, but she's right. it's so easy to "wish my family was different' when really i'm the one who needs to change! God help me. it's also strangely easier for me to be nicer to my dad even though he's let us down more than my mom. i guess cuz my mom's always been there...)

4. praying for my love (for kevin's energy bc he works 60+ hrs, poor thing! for his spiritual walk, for our relationship to be holy and pleasing to God, for our future family and children, for our finances (kevin's 2nd job is still temporary, and i have a lot of loans to pay off so hopefully i get a job asap after i graduate and pass everything i need to) ahhh i love praying for Kevin! HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY! praise God. i still can't believe God gave him to me :)

5. praying for church family (pastor/pastors in training)/married couples (MANG divorce is prevalent! we need protection!!!) my discipler, those i disciple

6. praying for girllll friends/some guy friends haha ;) this takes a while. i'm not going to list them haha

7. praying for school and being a good witness and passing everything

and then i just kinda chat a little with God after that. if i don't have a set routine i usually forget what i wanna pray about so this is helping out a bit, though of course i can always pray more deeply! it's tough to stay focused on God. 20 minutes in a car isn't really enough when one thinks about it.

late night thoughtzzZZzzZZ

Oh my goodness, August is almost over! Time flies. To be completely honest, these past few months have been strange and very testing. A lot of stuff has been going on with some sisters in Christ, then my family has their own set of problems, and I am having a tough time dealing with really mean and condescending nursing instructors/nurses in clinical settings. But! Thank the Lord I have so many truths and promises to keep in mind:

"In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other..." (Ecclesiastes 7:14a)

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4)

Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. God is so good to me. I wish I would always respond in thankfulness as opposed to bitterness/sadness when times get tough. Thank the Lord that I have a discipler who points me to Christ and to whom I can run and call when I need advice as a young woman growing in the Lord. I just need to endure and persevere. Every tough time has been planned by God to occur in order for me to become more like Christ, it's for my good. Uncle John kept stressing that during marriage counseling bc I opened up to him a lot about my past and background. Easier said than done. I need prayer!

I feel like I barely if ever see Kevin anymore. Also, after this week, in the month of September I'll have night clinicals. Meaning I will see him less!!! WHYYYY!!! lol I miss him so much. Oh wellzies! This is meant to be also, hopefully just for a season. Then we can get married and I can stare at him all the time O__O until he tells me to go away lol

God is good. Praise Him!

Uncle John & Auntie Susie

It's only a few more months before Kevin and I are gonna get married, thank God! Everyone keeps asking me how wedding planning is going and all I can say is: non-existent lol it's the least of my concerns, I'm more involved with schooling and ministry, and am looking for a job, but what I am happy about is we're consistently going to pre-marital counseling with Uncle John and Auntie Susie. Uncle John is Kevin's uncle and also a pastor of a church in El Segundo. Auntie Susie is his wife, and also Kevin's dad's sister. Uncle John is going to be the one marrying us this upcoming February/March 2012.

In an attempt to dodge studying for a HESI tomorrow because I'm burnt out from studying for a Neuro test I took today (praise the Lord I passed! Almost half the class failed it, man it was hard!) I'm going to spend the next few minutes talking about stuff that makes me happy haha then I'll go back to studying blehhhh....

One of the funny things about Uncle John and Auntie Susie is that I heard about them even before me and Kev got together. Back last summer when Kevin and I would hang out, I would tell Kevin about how I desired to be a pastor's wife (oh, how things have changed...I really, honestly do NOT think I have the qualities to be one, praise God for those women who have that strength and virtues! A pastor's wife is called to be and do much) and he would say "Oh you would be a great pastor's wife, you remind me of my Auntie Susie, who's the wife of my Uncle John." and he told me about how Auntie Susie is like, the most social woman and anyone who steps into a church will feel loved and welcomed and part of the family. And then Kevin proceeded to tell me about how he never wanted to get married because he saw no benefit in it, lol, but then he said how he aspired to be like Uncle John, that if he were ever to get married ever since he was a young kid he would want Uncle John to marry him and his future wife. Uncle John is a beast in theology too, Kevin said that the two people whom he holds highest in theological stature is Pastor Felix and Uncle John. Uncle John attended Fuller Seminary (back when it was conservative, and Kevin jokes that John Piper was his classmate..but they actually probably were, Kevin has yet to ask) and then he went to Westminster Theological Seminary (and Kevin explained to me how this is Old Princetonian...because Princeton used to be a Christian conservative school but then it became liberal and so the conservatives separated and branched out to keep the roots alive in Westminster, that's why you hear about the "Princeton theologians") but the cool thing about Uncle John is despite all of his amazing knowledge, he is so humble and loving and MAN I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk like him, he is like a man out of an English movie lol He talks so lovingly about and to his wife, they are so in love and it's just so hard to miss. And he says things so poetic, like, instead of saying "Hey we are running out of time we will continue later" he says "We are just going to have to put a bookmark in this chapter of our conversation..." LOL WHO SAYS THAT?!?! hahahhaa I love them so much! I can't wait to continue learning from both of them. Uncle John teaches us a curriculum he made, but Auntie Susie will sometimes joins us to sit in and it's nice to have her wonderful feminine presence. The last two times we went she had to be shopping for food the homeless people coming and the children (talk about a Proverbs 31 woman!) so she couldn't be with us :( But Kevin and I had a date and watched her perform at a fundraising concert because she sings in a Chorus group. Auntie Susie and Uncle John are in their 50's and are also very tall. Kevin and I talk about how Auntie Susie has such a mothering presence, that every time I see her I just wanna rest on her bosom lol

Anyways, I'm going on and on and on about how amazing this couple is, and I can keep going but I choose to stop. I'm going to make a separate entry about what we learned this last time we met.