PRAISE THE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!!!!!! yay for marriage! kev proposed to me april 16, 2011 :) It's amazing, really. Not only did God send His Son Jesus Christ to die on a cross and forgive us of our sins, but to give me Kevin too as my future husband and spiritual leader? So much grace, it's too much. I'm SUPER excited for the world to see Christ's love for the church displayed in our future marriage :D
Warning: this is going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG entry hahaha...
I've heard many times within sermons that marriage shows you how much of a sinner you are. It's like your spouse is a walking mirror. I never completely understood it over the years. I'd dated before in the past but never was as serious about anyone as I am about Kevin, and it's the first time in my life that I'm in love (which is so beautiful, this feeling and emotion that God allows us to have, it's overwhelming and makes your heart beat fast yet makes it stop beating at the same time. You've got the butterflies in the stomach, your skin feels tingly when you're by that special someone. It seems like breathing is even difficult to do when the other person is around, and you can't ever really be yourself when they're gone! It gives you something to look forward to.... but i digress!)
I think that the beginning of our relationship, I was extremely ideal (and there's nothing wrong with that, but if it doesn't happen the way you plan you get thrown off a little bit). I guess I had this idea in my head about what having your future spouse would be like-something akin to perfection in holiness. But becoming Christian and reading the Bible has been opening my eyes to bigger realities....Marriage is for mutual sanctification, is it not? I really thought in the past that it would be this amazing relationship where you would become a "better Christian" but not through much trials (it sounds really lame saying it now, but I'm being honest). Like, one day I would find the man of my dreams and we would get together and go to church and serve in ministries, get married and have children and it would be super smooth and happy... but if someone would ask me what i learned throughout our relationship, I HAVE to answer: "How much of a sinner I am and how dependent I am on God's grace." Any ideal expectations I had was slowly being messed with by God soon after getting together, especially after our "first fight" I don't know how to explain my sinfulness during these times other than, when another person gets you mad or hurts your feelings, all of your pride rushes to the surface and lashes out, either in words or in tears. Thank God for grace, because Kevin and I have learned each other's communication styles and are quick to forgive if one of us unintentionally hurts the other. As much as this is far from my previous expectations of a smooth happy perfect relationship, I'm happy it is this way! Why? Because the bad makes you appreciate the good even more. I mean, HE HAS TO DEAL WITH ME AND MY FLAWS THE REST OF HIS LIFE!!! Poor guy lol He is seriously so good and kind and patient to me. I am happy to look back on the tough times and see how we overcame it, how we learned so much about ourselves and each other, and how good God is during all seasons. And of course, we've had other obstacles to hurdle over. We barely fight, thank God, I don't think I could handle being in a relationship where there is constant disagreements! But I do struggle with a lot of sadness and resentment over my family's reaction to my engagement. For example, Kevin tried to contact my dad and left messages on his phone so he could get his blessing to propose to me, but my dad never called him back. When we met up for lunch with some cousins, I brought Kevin along, and it was awkward bc Kevin had to tell him about how he proposed to me. My dad just looked at us and said "Yeah, I had a feeling that's why you called me." And I was like, "Well, then, why didn't you call him back so you could talk about it?" He just looked at me and shrugged. He seriously did not care! Kevin's had to comfort me a lot from the hurt I go through, and he has to gently rebuke me when my anger goes too far. Kevin's also good at pointing out when I focus on the negative and how I should look at the good things about how my family's responded. For instance, my mommy went through so much in helping to plan for the proposal! She was so sweet and funny throughout the entire thing. And my twin cousin, even though she prefers I wait a longer time before getting married, came and cheered and was happy for me nonetheless, and that meant the world to me because I look up to her a lot.
Most of my family thinks I'm crazy for getting married young, and that it's too soon and that we need to be financially stable. I tried to explain that we wanted to get married to glorify God, and that we love each other very much. God would provide too, it's not like financial stability is guaranteed. When asked about why we needed to get married so soon, I would explain to them from the Bible that it says "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." meaning that if one struggles with lust, they should get married as soon as possible in order to avoid sinning. I've even had some family members tell me that if that's the case, we should just have sex and get married later on in life, when financially stable. Or they say that we should just wait, as if it's the easiest thing in the world to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that there are couples who can wait and date anywhere between 2-10 years before marriage and still be pure, but that's an exception, not the rule. I know that the majority of couples i'm close to have struggled with lust, and some have compromised and made mistakes. Kev and I want to avoid that as much as possible. Even thoughts can become impure, and you don't even have to be in a relationship to struggle with that. How much more will the struggles intensify if there is someone you want to marry by your side? We prioritize holiness and purity over financial security, it's as simple as that.
Kevin and I have had to go through our own set of trials in this relationship, and I know there are many more ahead. But if God has helped us to overcome those few, He will be faithful in helping us to overcome the future trials for further mutual sanctification.
In some wedding ceremonies, couples insert their names to replace "love" in the famous 1 Corinthians 13 passage: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." So then it would go something like, "Kevin and Leigh Ann are patient and kind, they do not envy or boast, they are not arrogant or rude. They do not insist on their own way, they are not irritable or resentful....Kevin and Leigh Ann bear all things..." I must confess, I have not been perfect in loving Kevin. And neither has he, and in truth none of us are perfect in loving except Jesus Christ. And it's beautiful to know that in sanctification, we are becoming more and more like our Savior!
I kind of feel like I've been a big downer, talking about how sinful I am and all the struggles we've faced in this relationship, so I'm gonna end with a few highlights of what I've gone through these past few months!
It's absolutely WONDERFUL being with another person who loves Christ. I know that Kevin loves Christ more than me, and vice versa. Again, we are sinful and not perfect and definitely not perfect in loving Christ, but to know that the intention is there is always encouraging. We want our future children to know that Christ is always first and the head of our home. It's heartwarming to hear Kevin pray for our relationship (which is usually before meals since we always eat together), and I'm excited to know that every night before we sleep he can pray for us too (I know my married friends Jason and Ann do that, which is cuuuuuuuute!) I love how I can read the Bible and share with him all the things i learn, and how he usually has a lot more input to add that i never thought of or knew. He was raised in the church and went to Sunday school all his life, but I haven't, so sometimes he asks about what i've learned I'm like "ahh you already know this..." and he goes, "No, share it with me." For example, the other day I was like "OMG what the heck! Saul keeps trying to kill David. Why does David keep hanging around? Saul tries to throw spears while David is playing the music" and how David could have killed Saul when Saul went into the same cave David was in to relieve himself! and then we started laughing and making fun of David and Saul lol strange humor hahaha and then I told him about how I read about Solomon and how it's so boring going through genealogies, that the last few chapters I read have been about his officials and building the temple and building his palace. Kevin's like, "yeah, it may seem boring, but we do need to know the details..." etc etc. He can help me to understand the Word better and lead me and we can be convicted together. I love going to the same church, how I can always save a seat next to me and while he goes up to play drums/bass I can know he'll be by my side right after.
For as long as I can remember, everyone has always said that we should get together. "it was sooooo obvious you liked each other" they would say, and once we did get together a lot of people were like, "FINALLY!!!!!!" hahahaha, what? 8 years is too long or something? Amazingly, within 8 years of friendship, God saved me somewhere inbetween. In fact, when Kevin met me at the tender age of 14, he knew he wanted to marry me and prayed that one day I would become saved so he could marry me! Who knew God would answer him :) the vain prayer of a little boy lol so cute!!!! aww!! Personality-wise, we have similar thought processes and have always been able to finish each other's sentences ever since we were 14. It gets to a point where we try to make the same joke before the other can, and it makes me happy that it hasn't changed even though that was over 8 years ago. Our church's pastor's daughter Elisha likes to call us "the laughy couple" since we're always laughing and loud and crazy haha and it's just really fun to be with someone to laugh through life together. It's just SO nice to be next to him, we can spend all day doing nothing and i would be super happy! In fact, I am. We do a whole lot of nothing lol I'm too tired from nursing school to go out and be adventurous!
Well, I'm 22 years-old and engaged and loving life. God has been so good, blessing me with eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ. I'm really looking forward to the rest of my life with Kevin, I'm at a great place! Nursing school is tough but it's all good in the hood, yo! I've got a good man by my side, and he's leading me and we're gonna laugh and pray and just be happy together!
Again, PRAISE GOD! Please keep us in your prayers!! :)
