my Provider

So much has happened the last few days, namely Japan's 8.9 earthquake and the horrible aftermath that ensued. Tsunamis and aftershocks, over 4 million homes destroyed in Tokyo and God knows what else (and WHO was destroyed along with it...) I was studying for a test while I found out, and I was also facebooking, and one minute the thing that stressed me out most was what grade I would get to the reality that you never know when disaster will hit. I have friends who have family in Japan, and a few friends that are there right now too for school. It was horrific! But it makes you think about what truly matters. And I thought about Jesus and life, and it hurt to realize that Japan has an extremely low Christian population. I'm not saying that Christians are any better than non-Christians, in fact, true Christianity is all about human beings being sinners and unworthy and how God is so gracious and loving to extend to us eternal life through faith in His Son Jesus Christ. One of the biggest differences between a believer and non-believer is that believers are sure of where they are going after they die, and that's heaven. I was so sad, the reality of all those people dying and in tragedy, and how many of those people are NOT in heaven at this moment. They are in hell. Tough words to say, but it's the truth, and it's scary. Kevin and I talked on the phone once he got back from Shepherd's Conference, and I told him about how I was so sad and worried. I was worried bc it's only a matter of time before a natural disaster hits California. We've been waiting for a huge earthquake since the big one hit San Francisco almost a 100 years back.

I frantically asked, "What would we do if you and I were separated? An earthquake may hit us in the next decade! We may have children at that time. What if we couldn't contact each other on the phone? What if one of us died? What if our extended family died? How would we contact each other??"

And calmly, he responded, "What happened to Japan was horrible. It's a tragedy, but God is in control. He has a perfect plan and this is what He wants to happen. And once tragedy happens to us, we will TRUST GOD. And He will have us right where He wants us, and we will be strong and have faith. We'll deal with it when it happens."

I felt so foolish and naive, to be so worrisome about the future events of what "could be." And extremely thankful that I have a man who is leading me who trusts God, and teaches me by example to be trusting in situations that seem hopeless. We have a living hope, afterall.

Today was my discipler Ate Rona's baby shower (praise the Lord for another baby!) which seems to be funny timing, to be celebrating the gift of new life as a natural disaster hits to take thousands of lives away in another country. Pastor was talking to us in his sermon about how God gives children as gifts to parents, as legacies or as liabilities, since we all die and need someone to pass on our name. He mentioned how Japan spent millions of dollars on infrastructure that would stand tall during an earthquake and not break apart, but those builders still could not foresee a tsunami damaging those same buildings. He emphasized how we live in a culture that raises children to be the smartest, to grow to be the richest, but what good does that do, if they are not raised to be brothers and sisters in Christ, and live life here on this earth only to die and end up in hell? Japan spent millions of dollars on these buildings, and we can spend a lot of our lives trying our hardest to save up for a home or for nice things, like cars and purses and clothes, but if we are doing it without God's hand blessing us then it's all in vain.

Proverbs 22: 6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." and Deuteronomy 6 talks about having God in all aspects of life and teaching children about God. Matthew 6 is also a great chapter about God being the provider of all things, that even if he provides for the birds of the air and clothes plants beautifully, how much more his beloved children? Verse 33 states "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." and Hebrews 13:5 says "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

It was also really interesting, because Kevin got me a book called "A Visual Guide to Bible Events" by Martin, Beck, and Hensen, and I've been reading and learning a lot about the insights into where Bible events happened and why. One section is based on the book of Genesis and talks about how Abram was in the Promised Land but left it for Egypt because of a famine. Apparently the Promised Land of Canaan had a much more austere and challenging natural environment than most readers realized, and not a very stable supply of water (which was VITAL for those cities in Mesopotamia, because if there was no watter supply, there would be no food and a lot of struggling and famines).They relied on the seasonal rainfall for maturing the grain fields. Abram took his wife Sarai outta there and went to Egypt because Egypt enjoyed a river-based hydrology that tapped into the ever-flowing waters of the Nile River. Also, Abram came from southeastern Mesopotamia, a land with a similar hydrology system to that of Egypt, so he knew the security of living in Egypt and the benefits that came along with it. My whole point about this, is that the security offered by the benefits of Egypt didn't encourage faith and trust in the Lord in the same way the seemingly tough and famine-stricken Promised Land could. Financial security doesn't guarantee anything! Abram ended up learning that what's seemingly stable doesn't benefit him, and even let Lot choose which land to have in chapter 13. Lot chose what was seemingly more stable and had a stable water supply but that didn't work out for his benefit either, since God brought about their complete destruction not soon thereafter. Abram learned that he needed to trust God, even if it didn't make sense or wasn't easy. Another interesting thing I learned! Whenever people traveled east in the book of Genesis, it was NEVER good thing! After the decision to rebel against God, Adam and Eve moved east from the Garden of Eden (Gen. 3:24), Cain was forced to move east after murdering his brother (Gen 4:16), and those who conspired to build the Tower of Babel moved east (Gen. 11:1-2). Lot moved in the direction of fresh water which was also in the eastern direction.

Every now and then I struggle with worrying about finances in the future. I have thousands of loans because of my schooling, and Kevin has a part-time job and is still looking for a second job (or full time job). We really don't have all that much, and it's not gonna be stable. I actually grew up in a home full of financial struggling and I hated it! So for me to go through that again makes me cringe and get cranky lol but seriously, I don't wanna deal with it all over again! But I always tend to be hit on the head with the Biblical reality that I can never be financially stable enough unless the Lord's hand is on me, and even then, the Lord may not ever want me and Kevin to be financially stable or rich and livin' the "good life"....but that's also really cool, because Kev and I will grow stronger and depend on God more throughout the tough times. The economy really sucks right now, and my friends have told me stories about how couples have divorced because of depression of being laid off from companies, and how there's a lot of fighting and a lack of reconciliation afterwards. You can spend all your life saving for a mortgage, good education, a high paying job, retirement benefits, and if God wants to, He'll take it away LIKE THAT. What a reality about what matters and what doesn't. I'm learning about how fickle I am, how I worry for no apparent reason, my lack of trust and faith in the One who created me and saved me. God forgive me for my lack of faith and trust. But I'm learning, and God is slowly refining me. I'm a slow learner when it comes to this stuff! It's easy to grasp intellectually, but to actually live it out? Easier said than done. I need God's help every day.